'Cause then you really might now what it's like to have to loose.
The song of the day is What It's Like by Everlast. I've always had a very special feeling about this song..it's so true and it really brings up some strong emotions in me, but at the same time makes me calm a bit down, if I'm angry or hurt. That's why this is the song of the day.
You see, in life, there will always be someone who just won't like you. Usually, it's people whom doesn't know you at all. I have nothing left for these people anymore. They have hurt me too much, and I won't allow them to do it again. After all, you have no respect for human beings, if you use someones flaws against them, when they haven't said a thing to annoy you. Especially if you only know their name, and not even their story. Not from my point of view.
I know a few guys, that are like this. I've never done anything to them, and I suppose that is what makes it hurt; the things they say, the things they call me, the way the laugh and look down on me.
Anyway, I'll tell you the story behind the song of the day: Earlier today in school, my english teacher asked me, if she should use a specific word in a sentence, or if she could say something else; and I answered. She does this sometimes, because some things in english, I suppose I am more familiar with than her.. And I thought I'd share with my friends on facebook, because I feel rather smart when my teacher does that. First comment: lol.. It was from one of those boys. And so, two others joined them, and one of them was kind of..respectless. "Oh god :O Marie you are so great ! you little angel, it's great that you can make yourself look good on facebook....." - this was never my intention. My intention was sharing something that I thought was awesome? Another thing they wrote: "I think the teacher is a lot better sweety :)". Then, a guy that is like a brother to me, and whom is dyslexic, wrote a comment about I was better at english. Then, one of the guys wrote, that I was better at spelling. That pissed me off, so I finally replied a rather immature reply, I do admit that, about his immature behaviour. He then told me, I didn't know him. I then told him that I see him every day, I see the way he acts and I listen to the shit he says, and I didn't believe he could change completely whenever I wasn't there. And then, the nastiest reply got right back at me: "Isn't it immature to sit in a corner, and sob to get the girls attention? You are just weak and can't handle any problems by yourself." and he went on with the 'you don't know me'-thing. I quoted this song, and we ended up deleting each other. And so, I started deleting everyone on my friendlist, that has had a problem with me, or has talked shit to me. And I feel better now.
But I have one comment, about the 'sitting in a corner and sobbing'-thing: You can't imagine what I've been through..all by myself. I've made it without anyones help. And now, I've found out, that some of my girl-classmates wants to listen and comfort me, if I get sad during the classes in school - so of course I 'use' that, and I seek some support - but I'm not just sitting in a corner and sobbing all the time. I do it when I'm really down, and I need some comfort, and that does happen at times, because in my head, I'm not always able to carry around everything I've been through. Sometimes I start crying in class, if we start talking about death or something like that. And there is a reason for that; my two closest friends has died within the past year, and it takes some time to move on. But I'm not giving up. And I'm not letting go. And I'm not breaking down. And I am not weak. I'm a fucking survivor!
I hope you guys get my point with this; don't let anyone tell you what's right and wrong, and what you can do or can't do. If they know your name, and not your story, then don't bother. They're not worth it.
- Chiaki
No comments:
Post a Comment