Look at me now, I made it, feel my heart now, I made it..

Reaching things now, I never thought possible...here I am now, I made it.

First of all; happy new year! 2012, you guys..let's not fuck it up.

The song of the day is I Made It by Dead By April. I've saved this song especially for today. You see, a year ago, on this very date, I was ready to end my life. I was feeling so dead inside, and had nothing to live for, really, I felt like I had nothing to gain. The past year has been ups and downs. But I'm alive. I made it through another year - I'm still alive. That is indeed an achievement for me.

I'm happy. I never thought I would be able to be so happy, as I am now. I believe 2012 will be a year with more ups, and less downs.

2011 has not been the best year for me. Actually, it has been one of the worst years of my life. My best friend committed suicide in 2011. I lost so many good friends to bad rumors, and my bad reputation. But I also gained something very important - I gained happiness. I've learned what it's like to have real friends that are there for you, how it is to have a boyfriend that really, really cares about you, and supports you. I've learned what it's like to lose, and then stand up, and keep on fighting. I've learned so much in 2011. I hope I will learn even more from life in 2012 - but from better sources than death and stupidity.

2012 is gonna be the year of changes. I'm gonna start on a new school in August, the real start of my education.. I'm gonna be more active with my movies and music, and I'm gonna start up therapy, so that I can get a hold of all the thoughts in my head. Most importantly, I'm gonna really try to be there for the people I love. Be a better person. So I'll neither lose my friends, nor my incredible boyfriend.

I made it through 2011 - now I'm ready for 2012.

- Chiaki

I want to follow you whereever you go, and you know that I would..

If you'd just say that you were staying for good..

Ok, the song of the day is Angel by Chase Coy. I really like this song, it's chill, and makes me relax, and the lyrics are really cute.

It makes me think of my boyfriend, and our current situation. Distance. This song gives me hope, and it has given me hope that distance does not matter, even before I actually met my boyfriend in person. I believe it has been hard for us to be apart, but it'll be harder now, that we've actually met..

I just hope we'll be alright. This song helps. <3

- Chiaki



I've made peace with the past, 'cause I've something better than that..

I've got you, and I've got love in the present tense. <3

The song of the day is Love In The Present Tense by Chase Coy. I chose this song, because it is very similar to what I'm going through right now.. Like, for such a long time now, I feel like I've been stuck in reverse, living the same nightmare over and over again. I feel like I've just been hurt and broken down so many times, that nothing else was able to happen. But then he came along, and he just..I don't know. Changed it.

I feel like he fixed me.

Now I'm ready to let go of all the things that has been pulling me down for such a long time now. All of the bad relationships, the bad experiences. It's in my past. And that's ok. Now, I just want to live in the moment. Because I've got love, I've got him. He just..just makes me so fucking happy, that it's ridiculous. But I like it.

- Chiaki

And the moment when my good times start to fade..

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed!

The song of the day is Smile by Uncle Kracker, and it is dedicated to a guy I know, called Jason. He lives on the other side of the earth, and I've never met him..even though, he is, like, one of the best friends I've ever had. And this is our song. Like, in a friend-way.

He's sick. We don't talk much anymore. So I never know how things are going, except some small messages I get sometimes. I still love him very much, though.

Last night, when my christmas was actually 'over', and I had recieved all of my presents, and my family had gone home...I recieved the best gift I've ever had. He called me, and said merry christmas. That made me, like, so happy. I love him so much. And I really appreciate that he called me. That made my christmas perfect, and the best so far.

Merry christmas to you all!

- Chiaki

And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy..

Throw your arms around the world at christmastime!

Since it's finally christmas, I thought I'd share my favorite christmas-song with you. Actually, it's danish, and not on youtube. That's kind of sad. I would've given you the translation and stuff, but I just couldn't find the song itself. ): Anyways, like I said it's danish, and the lyrics are here so if you want, you can take them, and put them into google translate or something. It's a really beautiful song about the danish christmas-spirit and stuff. It's called "when the snow falls".

Instead of sharing that with you, I'm sharing my second favorite, and I'm going to give you a little explantion on why I celebrate christmas!

My second favorite is Do They Know It's Christmas (Feed The World) by Band Aid. I absolutely love it. It's so beautiful, and has a meaning, unlike a lot of other christmas-songs - I'm not christian, so I don't really celebrate christmas because of 'Jesus' and stuff. I see christmas as a danish tradition, lol! In my view, christmas is the time of the year where you get to see a lot of people you don't see so much the rest of the year - the rest of the family. Christmas is indeed a holiday celebrated with the family. Like, I don't really see my grandfather (from my dad's side) most of the year, but sometimes on christmas, I get to see him. That's really great, 'cause I love him very much.

So, yeah, now you know a little about why I celebrate christmas, even though I am not christian at all. I celebrate it because I see it as a tradition where you're together with you family and friends, and basicly the people you love.

Christmas is indeed 'hjerternes fest' (party of the hearts, in danish).

- Chiaki

I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know!

Make my wish come true, all I want for christmas is you!

The song of the day is All I Want For Christmas by Mariah Carey. I thought it was about time I picked a christmas song, lol.

I actually chose this one, not because I like it, but because it makes me think of my boyfriend. Because all I really want for christmas, is him. Funny, huh? Can't wait to see him in six days.. Gonna be the best day in a long, long time.<3

- Chiaki

And every heart in the room will melt..

This is a feeling I've never felt, but it's all about us.

Ok. I have some news. Sunday, about 2 A.M., I was writing with the guy I love. Earlier, he had said, that we should tell people we love each other. We didn't really finish that conversation, so I asked him what he meant, and he asked me, if I wanted to be his girl, you know what I mean. And I said yes.

I've never met him, I've never kissed him, hugged him, or looked him in the eyes, but damn, I love him, and there is nothing that I'd rather be, than his girl. So now, I am.

I've been worried that some people might freak out, because I've never met him and stuff.. But I thought about this song, and kind of understood it in another way - this love is about me and him, what we want to, and what we feel is right. It's nobody's right to judge us, if we feel ready for a relationship, though we haven't met yet. That's why he's my boyfriend now - because this song made me realize that it's all about me and him, not about anyone else.

That's why All About Us by He Is We is the song of the day - and of the past two days also.

And I just thought I'd give you the information, that December 28, I'm going to be holding him in my arms..<3

- Chiaki



Your name remains the same..

All that has changed is this pretty face.

I'm really sorry. I've been so busy! I've been sick, and there's been tests in school and stuff. I promise I'll try to blog everyday, but it's christmas soon and stuff, so I'm just really busy.

The song of the day is When I Get Home You're So Dead by Mayday Parade. I chose it because I've made a music video for it, and I'm pretty busy right now, so I don't have time to write something meaningful, lol! Well, check out the video, and give me some comments on what you think.

 

- Chiaki

If you call me at all, don't tell me that I'm ordinary.

'Cause I won't be passing you "please don't leave".
The song of the day is She Makes Dirty Words Sound Pretty by Pierce The Veil. I heard it yesterday, and now I just can't stop listening to it! It also..kind of fits my situation. How I feel right now. About the guy I love. I don't want him to say, that I'm like any other girl - because then I won't be using my time on him. I want to be special to people, or else it doesn't matter. Right now I'm so fucking insecure about what I mean to him, lol! I actually have no idea - or maybe it's just me, that has a low self-esteem. I'm kind of sad today. Maybe that's why I feel this way. I hope so..

- Chiaki

Right from the start knew I had to make you mine..

And now I'll never let you go! Don't they know that love won't lie?

The song of the day is Listen To Your Heart by The Maine. It's a really true song, and it almost always makes me happy. It's just..awesome..

It makes me think a lot. About love, and life, and the distance between me and the guy I'm in love with. That there's no limits of how far love can go. That I shouldn't care about my parents, who doesn't believe in long distance love..

Anyways..he's going to visit me here in December. Isn't that crazy? I've, like, known him for 3-4 months now. I love him. I'm in love with him. I want to be his girlfriend..kind of pathetic of me to say outloud, I know..but I'm just so madly in love! He's the reason for the constant smile on my lips..<3

- Chiaki

As long as you're here everything will be alright..

I must've done something right to deserve you in my life.<3

The song of the day is If The Moon Fell Down Tonight by Chase Coy. I love that song.

It's really, really, really, really beautiful. It makes me think of the boy I love. Because..I feel like, no matter what happens now, it's going to be alright. All because I have him. Even though he's not really my boyfriend, because I never met him, I feel like he's mine. Sometimes I think about how pathetic I am, lol! 

I just hope we'll be together soon.

- Chiaki

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late..

Would you say goodbye to yesterday?

First of all: I'm so sorry I didn't blog yesterday! I was so busy..I'm sorry.

Now, the song of the day is If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback. It's such an amazing, true song. And it's been stuck in my head since I woke up, and unless I picked a song about hangovers, I couldn't find any song matching my day. So, therefore, today's song is just a song that's stuck in my head.

Anyways, it's one of my favorite songs, actually, because it's so true, and really makes you think.

- Chiaki

Take me back to that day, I'd make it all okay..

I don't know what to say, I didn't know you felt that way!

The song of the day is Hello Love Goodbye by To Be Juliet's Secret. It's emotional, and that's what I am right now.

I'm going to a party tomorrow. And my ex boyfriend might be there. I broke his heart, and first after I did that, I found out what I meant to him. Now he says he just wants to hate me, but that he can't. We used to be best friends, before we started dating..now he doesn't want anything to do with me.

I thought about calling him, to hear if he was coming tomorrow or not, but I found out I deleted his number..and I just got so sad. I realized I haven't been thinking of him at all for a long time now..that hurt. It hurts to feel like he never existed, like he was never a part of my life.

I just hope he won't be there tomorrow..I wouldn't be able to smile the rest of the evening..I feel so bad about what I did, and how fast I've moved on..but mostly I feel bad, because I've lost my best friend. On purpose.

- Chiaki

She would change everything.. Everything; just ask her.

Caught in the in-between - a beautiful disaster..

I'm sorry that I didn't find the time to blog yesterday. I just had a pretty..well, shitty day. So I'm bloggin' for yesterday now. And today later.

The song of yesterday is Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin. It's an absolutely breathtakingly beautiful song. Well, that's my opinion.

I believe it's the theme song of my life..I'm a beautiful disaster. And that's how I felt yesterday, so that's why I chose that song..no need to explain it further. 

- Chiaki

Hey little girl on your way to class..

Loved by all 'cause you got that ass!

Well, the song of the day is You Better Die Young by Nomy. He's a swedish rock guy, and he's pretty awesome..

It's the song of the day, because I'm pissed today. There's this girl, and she thinks she's the center of the fucking universe. It's really getting on my nerves, and I feel like punching her in the face when she's talking shit about me behind my back. Fun thing is, no one really likes her; she's only 'popular' because she's easy, if you know what I mean?

Fuck I'm angry today! Sorry about my bad language..it happens when I get mad.

- Chiaki



When I said I loved you, it was more than the truth!

You see, with each lonely night and day that I must go through? Well, they just bring me closer to you.<3

The song of the day is December by Chase Coy. It fits my feelings today perfectly. In case you haven't noticed yet, I'm madly in love with a guy, but we're seperated by a lot of distance. Well, today I decided, that I don't fucking care about that, because I love him. I've always said that I would never be in a long distance relationship...for him I will. I don't care about anything anymore. I just want him to be mine. I feel stupid, but I guess that's what love does to you.

I can't wait till I'll finally meet him....it'll be the happiest day of my life! And I know that day might come quicker than I expected, even though time seems to be moving slowly right now..

- Chiaki



Use me as you want, pull my strings just for a thrill!

And I know I'll be okay, though my skies are turning grey..<3

The song of the day is Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. First of all, the song is really beautiful. But I chose it, because it makes me think of the guy I love. Because I love him. I do fucking love him. It scares me, but I've realized, how much he mean to me, even though he's far away, and I have never met him. All I want is to be his girl, and love him and be with him, and be his guardian angel.. Sounds silly, I know. But it's true. Love sure has some weird ways to work.

- Chiaki

All I want is to mess around, and I don't really care about....

If you love me, if you hate me, you can't save me, baby, baby!

Last night, I was at a party. Oh yeah. It got quite crazy, and I acted like I didn't give a damn. And I didn't. For the first time in ages, I actually just did excactly what I wanted to, what I felt like. I don't remember that much, and my head sure hurts today, but I remember, that it was awesome!

The song of the day is What The Hell by Avril Lavigne, simply because it makes me think of yesterday. How awesome it felt to just think 'what the hell?' and go crazy. I won't do it again. But I really needed it last night. Btw, thanks to all of the people that helped make the party awesome!

- Chiaki

When she was just a girl she expected the world..

But it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep.

Okay, so I did find the time to blog today. I guess I totally forgot about the 2 hours in school, when I'm doing absolutely nothing, lol.

So, the song of the day is Paradise by Coldplay. First of all because it's an awesome, cute song, and the video is brilliant. But I also like the fact, that the first verse fits me. When I was a little girl, I expected so much from life. There were so many things that I wanted to see, to experience. I thought, that when you grew up, you would be able to do that, everything would be amazing and okay again - I had a pretty shitty childhood, you see.

But now that I'm older, I see that childhood was so much sweeter. I was so innocent back then. I lost track of the world already when I was 12. It just fell apart. I couldn't handle it. So I started dreaming of something better, you know..and it helped me through it. Today, I'm happy. My life is still 'shitty', but at least I'm happy.

- Chiaki

Signed, Yours Truly..

Ok, sorry, but I have to tell you about this song! I wouldn't be able to find time to blog tomorrow anyways, so yeah, this one is for tomorrow...

I just heard it. And it blew me away. Like, 5 minutes after the song stopped, I still just sat and stared with tears in my eyes. It just..blew me away. I can't describe it. It fits my love life 100 %. Every single little word is like taken out of my own head.

Let's start with My Someday, shall we? We were together for, like, 8 months. He was a real dick, but I loved him, and he still has a big part of me with him. He moved to England, to recover from drugs and stuff, and before he left, he proposed to me. I said yes. Now I know, that I won't marry him..it would ruin his life, as well as my own, lol. But it still hurts, that he has to be away from me, to be happy and have a healthy life, you know? "Why does being so free, mean so far away from me?"

Then there's My Never. I was in love with him for two years, but only dated him for two months. Unfortunately, his depressions, suicidal thoughts, and everything that he had been holding back his whole life, came up, when I became a real part of his life..and it ruined the relationship. I simply couldn't handle it. It was so hard, seeing him like that..so I left him, gave up. "But my one wish for you is that you find yourself, don't settle for less, or for anyone else."

And of course..My Tomorrow. He fixed the heart, the other two guys broke into a million pieces. I cannot describe him, or how he makes me feel, with other words than...amazing, and happy. I just love him so much! I can't explain how I could fall in love with him so quickly. It just happened. And for the first time, I stopped thinking of My Someday, and My Never. All I think of now is My Tomorrow. And that is truly amazing. "So maybe for once we can settle the score, 'cause the road to my home leads me straight to your door."

Signed, Yours Truly <3

- Chiaki

I've been gone for a while, been traveling alone..

Searching for a new life, when I already had my own..

The song of the day is Every Road by The Maine, simply because I love this song. It also fits my situation right now. I feel like I'm on my way home, after a long time, where I've been away. Like, I've been so depressed and stuff..for ages now. Since October, I guess. Now, I'm finally about to be really happy again, and be there for my friends, and live my life again - on my way back home.

Today's the day I realized this. That I'm actually getting happy, slowly. My broken heart is being fixed, as well as my lost pride is being found. It's amazing, that you can walk around for months, completely lost, thinking nobody is there for you...and one day, you just see, how much your friends actually has helped you. It's just simply awesome. Now I need to do them, and myself, a favor, and find the last road that leads back home.

- Chiaki

You're putting me together, like a puzzle, piece by piece..

Darling, don't you know, you're fixing me?

The song of the day is Fixing Me by Chase Coy. You probably have no idea who Chase Coy is, but he is a very talented singer, obviously.. You should check out his songs, if you like acoustic, romantic songs. He's absolutely amazing!

About the song...well, it truly fits right now. I've been broken down into pieces since September. Now I've met a guy that definitly stand out in a crowd, because he is just so amazing! I love him so, so, so much, that I don't even think he is capable of understanding it. Both as a friend, but also as so much more. 

I simply love him. He is fixing me, putting my heart back together, making me happy again. Sometimes I feel guilty because I'm already in love again, even though it hasn't been so long since I broke up with my last boyfriend. But...he just makes me better, this guy. Makes me feel happy. I don't hope that it's wrong, even though it may seem selfish. But after all this time...I just think I deserve to be happy again.

- Chiaki

Every morning that I wake up, I'm lucky I could see another day.

And even if I got some problems, it's ok, 'cause I blow 'em away.

Sometimes I think about how lucky I am, just to be alive..how lucky I am to breathe. I've wasted my life so many times, I've done so many horrible things to myself, in the hope of never waking up. Now, everyday I wake up, I say 'thank you'.

I somehow feel blessed, and saved. It's strange, I know.

Well, the song of the day is It's Ok by T. Mills. First of all, because it's an awesome, catchy song. I heard it yesterday, and I loved it! But also because the chorus is so amazing...fits me and my view of life perfectly. I'm lucky to wake up, to see another day. All those times I probably should've died, but didn't.

I can't say anything, but...it touches me.

- Chiaki

Even though we're miles and miles and miles apart..

I know, you make me better! 

Today's song is Let Me In by Secondhand Serenade. I was just searching for some good songs about being apart, yet being in love..and I found this one. And I just basicly fell in love with it, as quickly as I fell in love with the boy, it makes me think of.

Especially I love the "oh-uh-oh" part..I'm able to sing that outloud, and make my mom think I'm crazy and on drugs! No, but seriously, this song just makes me so happy, and gives me hope, that even though we're miles apart, we can make it work. I like that. Very much.

- Chiaki