And now I try hard to make it..

I just want to make you proud!

The song of the day is Perfect by Simple Plan. This is a song that hits me every time. It breaks down all of the walls I put up when it comes to my dad - it's just so true, and exactly how I feel. And somehow, whenever I feel like my dad doesn't understand me, this line repeats itself inside my head; 

"And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud 

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't stand another fight

And nothing's alright";

and I feel the tears coming up my eyes, and my voice gives in, and I feel so incredibly weak. All I want is to make him proud of me.. I just..want him to like what he sees. I want him to be satisfied with me. I want him to focus on the things that I do right, and not the things I can't do right.. It hurts when he always says I'm wrong, and everything I do is wrong.. My friends are wrong, what I think is wrong, what I say is wrong..I'm just basically wrong all around. 

He always disapproves. I feel like, whenever I want to tell him how I feel about something, or make him see a situation from my point of view, he's just thinking that I'm to dumb to have an oppinion..and he turns his back on me.. I can't handle it.. Why am I not good enough for him? Why can't I ever do something right? He always points out my flaws. That's all I ever hear when it comes to him. "Marie, don't do that." "Marie, you should do it like this." "Marie, that's not right." "Marie, why don't you do something else." "Marie, why can't you just do it right."

I'm sorry I can't be perfect, no matter how much I try.

- Chiaki