So until then I wish you well..
First of all, I want to say I'm sorry. I've been really bad at remembering to blog, but I've had so much that I needed to get a hold on, like the finals, my new facebook, and my boyfriend whom I've had a lot of fights with recently. But, well, I got it all pretty much sorted out, all I need now is to prepare for the three last finals, and enjoy my vacation, and look forward to starting on the Tietgen-school in August, my dream school.
But, well, the song of the day is Brielle by Sky Sailing. I don't really have a lot to say about this song, other than that I've loved it ever since the first time I listened to it, and that's pretty much why I chose it. Music is one of the things I want to bring into my 'new life'. You see, I'm not sure if you've all noticed, but I'm changing everything in my life right now. From facebook, to friends, to hobbies..I'm changing it into how I've always wanted it to be. I'm finally taking the last step to be happy. I've gained love, confidence, and peace with my family (see; parents), and all I need..is some control of my life. Some hobbies, other than playing The Sims 2, some habbits other than brushing my teeth. I need some structure. And the change has begun.But of course I like some of the things that are in my life now; like my taste of music. I will definitly not change that, I will take it with me into my new life.. And I will start singing again. Once, I did that all the time. Actually, ever since I was 4 years old, I've told everyone that I wanted to be a singer. I also used to write my own songs and everything.. But for some reason, it just stopped. I guess people kept on telling me I sucked, and I was too insecure back then, to hold on to it. Now, I think I've found..like..my 'voice'. My boyfriend has been allowed to listen, and some few classmates..and since none of them said anything negative, I believe I might just have the courage to share my singing with others? Maybe, maybe not. We'll see.
Now, to something else, that I want to do: I've bought a notebook. A simple, light-blue notebook, with a parrot and some butterflies on it, and a black ribbon to keep it closed, so that the pages in it doesn't get bend. I want to write in it. Poetry, or thoughts, or whatever you can call it. When I was 13, I had a lot of thoughts that I had to get out of my head, so I started writing them down, and it turned into songs and some sort of poetry..now, I want to do it again, but it will be about how it feels to start over, and about my new life, and what happens, and what I think about. Like a diary, I guess. But not in details like that. Maybe, I'll share some of it with you once in a while, and ask for some response. I think I'll start right now.
On the first page in my notebook, I've written this thingy, that I've called 'letting go', that is based on my current feelings. I hope you'll give me some sort of response, but please, be nice. This is very personal.
The seconds keeps on passing by
And I let them
Due to the loss of hours
Already
I see no reason to hold on to them
I let them pass
And I know I'm alive
Every breath
Is important
A glimpse of my past
Becomes a missed chance
Every time the hourglass
Has slipped out of my hands
Every time the well ran dry
Every time the lightning struck me
Is forgotten
The endless, red colors are gone
No longer present
And I cry
The seconds passing by
Reminds me of just why
I tend to breathe
Stay strong!
- Chiaki
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