Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?

The song of the day is Glitter In The Air by P!nk. I've always thought this was one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard, the lyrics are just so god damn perfect. This song really always makes me think, and somehow makes me figure out, wether I'm happy or sad. 

Lately, I've been standing at this kind of crossroad, not knowing what to do. As I've said before, this blog is my escape..it's a place where I can let go of my thoughts, and get them out of my head. It's a place where I can tell someone else about my ups and downs, how I feel and what I'm dealing with. And somehow, I feel like all of my readers have somehow become my best friends, and yet, my worst enemies. You know a lot more about me, than I would tell people in real life, and it scares me a bit.

But well, back to the crossroad-thingy; I've considered deleting my facebook. Not for attention, but so that I can make a new one, where all of my past does not exist. I've been considering wether I want to delete my past and simply forget, or try to live with it. I just..don't know. 9th of August I will start on a new school, with new people, whom don't know me. I don't want them to go see my facebook, and look at how I once was, and maybe judge me because of that.. It's a great fear I have right now.. 

Honestly, I just want to say that I don't care. That I don't care what these people think, that I don't care if these people judge me on behalf of who I once were. But I can't. I do care. I'm going to spend three years with these people, and I don't want these three years to be the same as the last 10 years of my education. I've never felt welcome in my class, I've never felt like I was a part of the unity in the class. I've always felt like..like I was the enemy, you know, and everyone were against me. I just..don't want the next three years of my life to be like that.. 

Therefore, I want them to see me for who I am now, and not know anything about whom I were, what I did, and how stupid I was.. But.. It's hard. To just delete everything. I think they'll get to know one day anyways. I can't just pretend like it never happened. But I mean, my facebook is like..the past four years of my life..that I'm going to delete. It's mainly the pictures and shit that I want to get rid of. And all of the fake friends I have, and the people I don't know. My facebook is just..out of control. It's not me. And I don't want it. But I don't want to delete four years of my life, either. I don't want to delete all of the conversations and memories. 

Oh fuck, what the hell do I do?..

- Chiaki