But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned!
The song of the day is Crystal Ball by Pink. Because, this has always been my favorite song by Pink, and when I was 12-14 years old, Pink was my greatest inspiration. I listened to her music all the time, and I found comfort in it. Today, I'm sharing a song with you, that I've never really been able to relate to..not until now.. I understand this better than ever, today, on my sixteenth birthday. I understand, that life is confusing, life is a mystery, and life is not supposed to be understood. I'm just supposed to live it. I'm supposed to do what I want to do, and I'm supposed to follow my dreams. Right now, in this very moment, I truly believe, that I can achieve anything, if I really decide to. I can do everything. Everything is possible.. And it feels so god damn good!
For the past year, I've been trying to understand why I've been put through so much shit. I've been feeling like nothing good ever happened to me, and I was just the unluckiest person in the world.. But now I see it; the small things. Those little, tiny things, that makes my life complete. That makes my life beautiful. And I understand. I am finally truly grateful, for what I've been through. I've learned so much, and without all of that knowledge, I would never be able to do what makes me happy!
For the past three days, I've been at this movie-school-thingy, learning about movies, and making movies. I've been taught by professionals, that really liked my work, and told me I have a bright future with movies. That I am definitly one of those, that are talented enough to get accepted, and start that education. That I can really do it.
But, well, I made this movie with 'my' team, and it got...perfect. Amazing. Just the way I wanted. It looked so professional! And it was showed at this public event in a cinema and all, and the teachers gave us clapperboards.. And I did, as the only one, recieve chalk to write on the clapperboard. Now, I feel like I'm truly ready to begin making serious shortfilms, also because I've revieved a tripod for my camcorder and all, as a birthday-present. I've got it all (except a soundrecording device, but my camcorder luckily records sound as well). It's....amazing. I'm like; Cannes, I'm on my fucking way!
But, most importantly, I'm proud. I'm so proud of myself. I mean, in two years, I've went from black/brown, short hair, dark makeup, and nothing but depression, to long, blond hair, pretty much just mascara, and happiness and love. I don't drink or smoke like I used to, and I'm not cheating on anyone, or changing my boyfriend every week. My style is not just black clothes and leopard-prints anymore because that's what the scene kids wear, my style is me - it's what I find cool, and what I find comfortable. It's nice. I'm beautiful, and I'm happy - and I really think it shows. I'm damn proud of myself, for the first time in my life..and I really hope that you are, too. I mean, I sewed up my wounds with my own, bare hands. It was hard, but look at me now. The pain is gone, and I am able to truly smile, because without all of the pain, I never would've come this far. I wouldn't be this amazing person, that I've finally become. Welcome to the first day of my life.
- Chiaki
February 2011 - July 2012
The song of the day is Crystal Ball by Pink. Because, this has always been my favorite song by Pink, and when I was 12-14 years old, Pink was my greatest inspiration. I listened to her music all the time, and I found comfort in it. Today, I'm sharing a song with you, that I've never really been able to relate to..not until now.. I understand this better than ever, today, on my sixteenth birthday. I understand, that life is confusing, life is a mystery, and life is not supposed to be understood. I'm just supposed to live it. I'm supposed to do what I want to do, and I'm supposed to follow my dreams. Right now, in this very moment, I truly believe, that I can achieve anything, if I really decide to. I can do everything. Everything is possible.. And it feels so god damn good!
For the past year, I've been trying to understand why I've been put through so much shit. I've been feeling like nothing good ever happened to me, and I was just the unluckiest person in the world.. But now I see it; the small things. Those little, tiny things, that makes my life complete. That makes my life beautiful. And I understand. I am finally truly grateful, for what I've been through. I've learned so much, and without all of that knowledge, I would never be able to do what makes me happy!
For the past three days, I've been at this movie-school-thingy, learning about movies, and making movies. I've been taught by professionals, that really liked my work, and told me I have a bright future with movies. That I am definitly one of those, that are talented enough to get accepted, and start that education. That I can really do it.
But, well, I made this movie with 'my' team, and it got...perfect. Amazing. Just the way I wanted. It looked so professional! And it was showed at this public event in a cinema and all, and the teachers gave us clapperboards.. And I did, as the only one, recieve chalk to write on the clapperboard. Now, I feel like I'm truly ready to begin making serious shortfilms, also because I've revieved a tripod for my camcorder and all, as a birthday-present. I've got it all (except a soundrecording device, but my camcorder luckily records sound as well). It's....amazing. I'm like; Cannes, I'm on my fucking way!
But, most importantly, I'm proud. I'm so proud of myself. I mean, in two years, I've went from black/brown, short hair, dark makeup, and nothing but depression, to long, blond hair, pretty much just mascara, and happiness and love. I don't drink or smoke like I used to, and I'm not cheating on anyone, or changing my boyfriend every week. My style is not just black clothes and leopard-prints anymore because that's what the scene kids wear, my style is me - it's what I find cool, and what I find comfortable. It's nice. I'm beautiful, and I'm happy - and I really think it shows. I'm damn proud of myself, for the first time in my life..and I really hope that you are, too. I mean, I sewed up my wounds with my own, bare hands. It was hard, but look at me now. The pain is gone, and I am able to truly smile, because without all of the pain, I never would've come this far. I wouldn't be this amazing person, that I've finally become. Welcome to the first day of my life.
- Chiaki
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